- Give the person your full attention. Maintain eye contact. Do not fidget or attempt to multi-task. You cannot really hear what the person is feeling if you are trying to fix something that also commands your attention. Listening is important. If the person is worth talking to they are worth listening to.
- If you can’t give the person your full attention, tell them. “You caught me at a bad time, I need to take care of this now. Is it something that can wait until lunch?”
- You are not obligated to listen to everyone who wants you to. Some people are takers. They want you to listen to them, but don’t return the favor. This may feel okay or it may not. It may be all right for a while and then you grow tired of it. You always have the right to not listen. Your time is of value to you. You don’t have to give it away if you don’t want to.
- Ask questions to open up the conversation or show interest in the other person. Do not ask questions to control the discussion.
- It’s okay to share a similarity at times, “that reminds me when that happened to me.” However if you do this more than once in a while you are not sharing you are dominating the conversation while you are pretending to listen. It’s not about you. When you are listening it’s about the other person.
- Don’t finish sentences for people. If you do this you are anticipating what they are going to say. That isn’t fair. Show courtesy.
- Find ways to show sincere appreciation or compliments for what the person has done, said or feels. You don’t have to promote yourself to feel better. When you support others they will tend to think more positively about you and this will have a positive ripple effect. It doesn’t take away from you to give credit to another; in fact it’s a way to feel good inside.
- You do not have to agree with the other person. Showing empathy is acknowledging their feelings, it doesn’t mean you agree. Stay in integrity with yourself. You can understand that someone feels hurt even though you would feel differently in the same situation. Stay true to yourself while remaining a good listener.
- If you have a time limit let the person know, rather than frequently checking your watch.
- Be respectful to everyone. Children, the elderly, a homeless person on the corner. Treat others, as you would want to be treated. If you say you will do something do it. It doesn’t matter if the person has Alzheimer’s disease and may forget or it’s a small child. This is your integrity. You can’t turn it on and off as it suits you, you have to live it.
Treat yourself well. Other people treat you the way you treat yourself. You set the tone. If your relationships are one sided, don’t tolerate them. If people are not listening to you, let them know what you would like. Develop and keep relationships that support you and are positive. Don’t stay involved with people who are toxic to you, no matter what the relationship or situation. Show compassion for others and show compassion for yourself.
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